There is a particular kind of woman you have met before.
She is the one who always knows what to say when you are falling apart. She
shows up. She holds space. She carries everyone else's broken pieces with such
tenderness that you forget – nobody is carrying hers.
We lost one of those women recently. And the shock of it
has left our community breathless. Not only because of the loss itself, but
because of what none of us saw coming. Because from the outside, her life
looked full. Her smile looked real. Her strength looked infinite.
And that is exactly what we need to talk about.
We live in a world that rewards people for holding it together. We celebrate resilience. We admire the ones who rise. We share quotes about storms and strength and survival. But somewhere in all of that celebrating – we forgot to ask the strong ones if they were okay. We forgot that the heaviest burdens are often carried by the quietest hands.
There is something nobody tells you about deep, invisible
suffering: it does not always look like suffering. It looks like a woman who
remembers everyone's birthdays. It looks like the friend who answers at
midnight when you call. It looks like someone whose recent photos are radiant –
because she has decided that if she cannot feel joy, she will at least reflect
it back to others.
The ones who hurt the most have often spent a lifetime
learning to protect everyone else from their pain. And when they finally reach
the point of needing help? Many of them do not reach for it. Not because they
are too proud. But because they have already tried. They have sat across from
the people they love most and attempted to speak the unspeakable – only to be
met with discomfort, dismissal, or silence. You are too sensitive. Look on the
bright side. Others have it worse. And so they learn a devastating lesson:
their pain is too much for the people who are supposed to love them. They tuck
it away. They smile wider. They carry on – alone.
This is the conversation our communities are not having.
We talk about mental health in broad strokes, with hotlines and hashtags and
awareness months. But we are not talking about the woman sitting across from
you at dinner who is laughing at all the right moments and quietly disappearing
on the inside. We are not talking about what it means to truly show up for
someone – not with advice, not with solutions, but with nothing more than the
willingness to sit beside them in the dark and say: I am not going anywhere.
I know what that darkness feels like from the inside.
There was a time in my life when I understood, in the most visceral way, how a
person reaches the end of their hope. I was not fragile. I was not unstable. I
was a woman who had given everything she had – to her children, to her work, to
everyone around her – and had nothing left. No reserves. No net. No one
catching her while she caught everyone else. That season changed me
permanently. It cracked me open in ways that, eventually, became my greatest
gift. Because now I can sit with a woman in her worst moment and tell her
honestly: I have been in that tunnel. And I promise you – it has an end.
What I want every woman reading this to understand is
simple: you are allowed to not be okay. You are allowed to need people. You are
allowed to say I am struggling without it meaning you are weak or broken or
ungrateful. Strength was never meant to mean suffering alone. Strength, at its
truest, is the courage to be honest about your own humanity.
And for those of you who love someone who carries the
world quietly – check on her. Not with a quick "how are you" that
expects a quick "fine." Sit with her. Look at her. Ask the real
question and be brave enough to wait for the real answer. You may never know
how much that moment means. But it might mean everything.
She deserved someone who stayed.
So does every woman still here.
Olga Binyaminov,
Healing & Empowerment Mentor, biochemist, educator,
and founder of UnbreakableYou – a coaching brand dedicated to helping women
rediscover their strength after heartbreak, betrayal, and loss. To connect with
Olga, visit Unbreakable-You or reach out directly through her social platforms,
or simply call (718)6831750
