Answer from Zoya Aminova, the author of a column about family relationships, to a reader’sletter published in № 298
Dear Reader,
Thank you for your thoughtful reading and your sincere
response. Letters like yours are especially important because they allow us to
continue the conversation and see a topic from different perspectives.
You raise a very real and sensitive point – the feeling of
distance and loss of closeness that parents may experience when their children
begin building their own families. This is not easy, and those emotions should
not be dismissed.
My article was not meant to present one side as right and
the other as wrong. In family relationships, all sides are involved – parents,
children, and their spouses. There are situations where boundaries are crossed
by parents, and there are situations where respect may be lacking from the
younger generation. This has always existed and will continue to exist.
The main idea of the article was something else: how to
remain present in our children’s lives without overstepping. Because respect
and closeness cannot be built through control, but distance should not turn
into emotional coldness either.
You are absolutely right that previous generations lived
differently and made efforts to preserve harmony. However, it is also important
to recognize that life conditions have changed. Today, women often work equally
alongside men and carry significant emotional and practical responsibilities,
which naturally affects family dynamics.
This is why I consistently emphasize the importance of uncomfortable
conversations before marriage – not only about the wedding, but about real
life. Expectations, roles, boundaries, and relationships with parents should be
discussed openly. Because when we enter a marriage, we are not only joining two
individuals, but also two families and two systems of values.
You also touched on an important question – why some
daughters-in-law choose distance from the beginning. Often, this stems from the
experiences of the previous generation, where their mothers navigated difficult
relationships and now try to protect their daughters from repeating those
patterns.
But there is no single rule that applies to everyone. Every
family finds its own way.
What remains constant is this: respect must be mutual – toward
the older generation, toward the young family, and toward each other’s
boundaries. Only on that foundation can truly strong and lasting relationships
be built.
This conversation is only just beginning.
Sincerely,
Zoya Aminov
