I never thought I would raise this topic, but
it was prompted by one of my recent conversations with a young man. During our
talk, he repeatedly spoke about what he was looking for in a girl. Among his
wishes was that she comes from a “complete” family. I asked what he meant, and
he explained that he wanted her to have both parents, a mother and a father.
For his own parents, this was very important; in their view, that is what
defines a well-off family. But is that so?
We all say we want a modern, progressive
life, yet we still cling to outdated prejudices – even in the 21st century. Why
do we place a stigma on families where a mother
has raised her children alone, having gone through years of hard work and
sacrifice, giving up even the simplest joys so that her children could grow up
worthy of love and respect? To give double the attention, to earn for two – it
is not an easy task. And if a woman consciously chooses to be both mother and
father, to shield her children from conflict, deceit, and disappointment, then
that is a thoughtful and deliberate decision.
As a rule, many such women never remarry,
devoting their entire lives to their children and later to their grandchildren.
Do such families – where the father took no part in either upbringing or
financial support – not deserve recognition and gratitude?
From my experience, children raised in such
families often grow up more compassionate, responsible, and hardworking. They
are the ones who truly learn to value and respect a woman. And I am not
speaking only about divorced women; among people of our age, there are also
young widows who suffer from society’s prejudice.
For example, I once met a widow who
lost her husband at the age of 28 and was left alone with four children. One can only imagine what she had to go through to
raise them, to see her daughters married and her son settled. She was
surrounded by kind people, but as often happens, there were always those who
spoke ill of a single woman. Looking into her eyes, you could see unspilled
tears and unspoken pain – but not when she looked at her children. Despite all
the gossip, she raised them and now helps care for her grandchildren. She
created a strong, close-knit family filled with peace, respect, understanding,
and tolerance. She has every reason to be proud – having achieved alone what
even some “complete” and outwardly prosperous families fail to build. She never
remarried, yet she is not alone, she is surrounded by a loving, happy family. I
call her a Mother with a capital “M.”
There is another kind of loneliness: when a
woman feels alone even while being married. Let’s be honest – how often does it
happen that a woman quietly endures insults and humiliation from the person
closest to her, waiting until the children grow up so she can finally leave?
She endures it for the sake of appearances, so that gossip will not harm her
children. Her life passes in falsehood and broken hopes, and the children grow
up surrounded by conflict and humiliation. They absorb double standards: a son
may think, “She won’t go anywhere – she’ll endure,” having seen how his father
treated his mother. A daughter, on the other hand, may decide, “I will never
tolerate this,” and at the slightest misunderstanding in her own family, she
packs her things and leaves. And so we see early divorces.
After all this, I urge you, dear readers, to reconsider your views. Free yourselves from these outdated, limiting stereotypes about single mothers – women who strive to be both mother and father, who work for two and love for two, who give up many of life’s blessings for the sake of their children. They deserve happiness – twice over.
