Dear Rachel,
I have 3 children and want
to know to what extent I should involve their grandparents (my parents) in
their life? Especially considering we have a difference in relating to the
children because we are from different generations. Some of my friends have
children and the grandparents are practically raising them, but others have
grandparents who are not involved as much. I am not sure what is the proper
thing.
Sincerely, Anonymous
Dear Anonymous,
Thank you for your question.
There is much about your situation that I do not know and would need more
information to be able to answer you on a more personal level. However, I can
give you a general idea. One thing that seems to be decreasing in this
generation is a respect and sensitivity for elders. It is imperative that
children have regular associations and relationships with elders – like
teachers and especially grandparents, as it develops a love and appreciation
for the older generation. Additionally, having grandparents involved on a
regular basis in the lives of your children (considering the grandparents are
not abusive, destructive or inappropriate in any way) can enhance their life
significantly. The children can grow up with a deep feeling of family, a sense
of security, and an understanding of a way of thinking, a wisdom, that perhaps
may not be found within their own generation, or even that of their parents.
There is also a special relationship that a child has with grandparents that is
precious and unique on its own. The only advice of caution for you is in making
sure you are the primary parent and that you are not giving the job of
«parents» to the grandparents. As special a relationship is between a child and
a grandparent, the relationship that a child shares with his parent cannot be
substituted. Unless there is an unusual and unavoidable situation where both
parents are not available to primarily parent the child and needs the
intervention of the grandparents, only then can this likely be acceptable.
Otherwise, the grandparents can be involved in the children’s lives to the
extent that they are able and the parents should continue in their role as
parents. A child would richly benefit the most when he has both in his life – a
solid relationship with his parents and his grandparents. To have both is a
true blessing. B’hatzlacha!
All the very best, Rachel
Trilokekar
Thank you to those who have
e-mailed me with their questions. If you would like your question to be
featured in the next issue of Ladies’ World, please e-mail:
RachelTrilokekar@gmail.com
