Dear Rachel,
I have 3 children and want to know to what extent I should involve their grandparents (my parents) in their life? Especially considering we have a difference in relating to the children because we are from different generations. Some of my friends have children and the grandparents are practically raising them, but others have grandparents who are not involved as much. I am not sure what is the proper thing.
Sincerely, Anonymous
Dear Anonymous,
Thank you for your question. There is much about your situation that I do not know and would need more information to be able to answer you on a more personal level. However, I can give you a general idea. One thing that seems to be decreasing in this generation is a respect and sensitivity for elders. It is imperative that children have regular associations and relationships with elders – like teachers and especially grandparents, as it develops a love and appreciation for the older generation. Additionally, having grandparents involved on a regular basis in the lives of your children (considering the grandparents are not abusive, destructive or inappropriate in any way) can enhance their life significantly. The children can grow up with a deep feeling of family, a sense of security, and an understanding of a way of thinking, a wisdom, that perhaps may not be found within their own generation, or even that of their parents. There is also a special relationship that a child has with grandparents that is precious and unique on its own. The only advice of caution for you is in making sure you are the primary parent and that you are not giving the job of «parents» to the grandparents. As special a relationship is between a child and a grandparent, the relationship that a child shares with his parent cannot be substituted. Unless there is an unusual and unavoidable situation where both parents are not available to primarily parent the child and needs the intervention of the grandparents, only then can this likely be acceptable. Otherwise, the grandparents can be involved in the children’s lives to the extent that they are able and the parents should continue in their role as parents. A child would richly benefit the most when he has both in his life – a solid relationship with his parents and his grandparents. To have both is a true blessing. B’hatzlacha!
All the very best, Rachel Trilokekar
Thank you to those who have e-mailed me with their questions. If you would like your question to be featured in the next issue of Ladies’ World, please e-mail: RachelTrilokekar@gmail.com
