Dear Rachel,
My 7 year old child is a bit on the anxious side
by nature. She knows that there is a war in Israel with terrorists
who kidnapped innocent children and people. She has a deeply caring nature
so hearing that there are hostages has her worried for their wellbeing. At
night, she insists on sleeping with me in my bed because she is too scared to
sleep alone in her room. She used to love going to a friend’s house for
play dates but now she wants to stay home. I told her to be strong and not to
be afraid, that everything will turn out ok in the end. But how else can I help
her?
Dear Shoshana,
Dealing with a child's anxieties, especially in the context of frightening
global events, is a challenging but important task. Your daughter's caring
nature and her reaction to the situation in Israel, while causing her distress,
also reflects her compassion and empathy. These are beautiful qualities that,
with the right guidance, can be channeled into strengths.
Let's start with creating an
effective response to her fears. The
first step is to acknowledge and validate her feelings. This doesn't mean
confirming her fears but recognizing that her feelings are real and understandable.
You might say something like, “I can see how worried you are about what's
happening in Israel, and it's okay to feel scared.” Jewish wisdom teaches us the power of words in the book of
Proverbs: “Like golden apples on silver plated vessels, is a word spoken with
proper basis.” In this context, it means offering words that acknowledge her
feelings, and provide comfort.
Regarding her fear
of sleeping alone, it's important to help her feel safe in her own space. While
it might be tempting to let her sleep in your bed, this could reinforce her
belief that her room isn’t safe. Instead, comfort her in her room and gradually
encourage her to sleep independently. You can establish a calming bedtime
routine that includes dimming the lights, taking a warm bath, and playing soft,
soothing music. Reading together, journaling, and prayer can also be part of
this routine. The recitation of the Shema and the Hamapil prayer can be
particularly comforting, as they are ways to connect with God and find peace in
His protection.
In Jewish tradition, the power of prayer is
immense, and it can be a great source of comfort for your daughter. Encourage
her to talk to God about her fears and worries. Teach her that Hashem listens to every
word and cares about her feelings.
Physical activity can also be an
effective way for her to channel her anxiety. Engage her in activities like
gymnastics, running, or dance, which can help relieve tension. Creative outlets
like art therapy are another great way for her to express her feelings in a
non-verbal way.
It’s also imperative for you to model a
balanced lifestyle and healthy coping strategies. This includes setting aside time for self-care,
maintaining social connections, and engaging in activities that bring you joy
and a sense of purpose.
To empower your daughter, point out
her deeply caring and kind nature, and how needed she is in the world. This can
build her self-worth, helping her to see her sensitivity as a strength rather
than a vulnerability.
Regarding her
reluctance to go on playdates, it's a good idea to follow her lead while gently
encouraging her to engage with her friends. You could start by hosting
playdates at your home, creating a safe and comfortable environment for her to
interact with peers. Over time, as she regains her confidence, she can
gradually return to visiting friends' homes.
Furthermore, involving her in activities
that directly support Israel can be empowering. For instance, organizing a
charity project for those in Israel who are affected by the war can give her a
sense of purpose and control, allowing her to contribute positively.
May you have strength and wisdom to help your daughter understand the power in
her sensitivity and compassion, and be a light onto the world around her. B’hatzlacha!
All the very best, Rachel Trilokekar
Thank you to those who have e-mailed me with their questions. If you would like your question to be featured in the next issue of Ladies’ World, please e-mail: RachelTrilokekar@gmail.com
