Dear Rachel,
I wondered whether to write
to you. Since it will be anonymous, I decided to open up. I am a 2nd grade
teacher and I take my job seriously. I love my students like my own children. I
try to be sensitive to the needs of each child while building them up to love
learning and believe in themselves. I teach them with all the energy, love, and
effort that I have. But here is my deep, dark secret…growing up, I had the
complete opposite! My parents were often dysfunctional and didn’t protect me
when I needed them to. When they found out I had been abused, they couldn’t
process the situation, so they swept it under the rug. I had to deal with the
horrible inner pain on my own. Also, though I had some good teachers, I had
enough truly bad ones that it made a much bigger impression on my self worth.
My question comes from a place of pain: If there is a G-d, why would He allow
this kind of darkness to ever touch the lives of innocent children? And where
was G-d when I was a child and needed to be protected?
Sincerely, Anonymous
Dear Anonymous,
I am deeply
moved that you chose to write to me. In doing so, you are helping countless
others who have also experienced a difficult, if not traumatic, childhood and
may have the same questions you have. When G-d created the world, on the 6th
day He created mankind. As Jews, we are taught that initially the world was
created for us to enjoy and appreciate, not in a wasteful way but in a
meaningful and uplifting way. However, Adam and Chava (the first man and woman
on earth) made choices on that first day of existence that forever changed the
role of mankind in this world. We would no longer have everything effortless,
like in the Garden of Eden. Instead, our role changed so that we would become
partners with G-d in the development of the world. This is a daunting task to
undertake but nevertheless, we are expected to fulfill it. To be partners with
the Creator means 3 things have to happen: 1. We would be given a defined,
personalized mission; a job that could be difficult but is necessary for the
ultimate good of the world. This mission becomes more clear to us when we
recognize that we are G-d’s partner. 2. We would be given an instructional
manual to help us along in our mission so that we keep on the right path, with
the right attitude. This instructional manual is our Torah. 3. Lastly – we would be given the gift of bechira, which is the Hebrew word for «choice», or free will.
Without free will, we could not be true partners with G-d. This doesn’t mean
that when our job is difficult and happens to involve pain (like many important
and big occupations do), that G-d is deserting us. Just the opposite! He is our
partner and feels our pain too. Mankind hurting each other is not the intention
of G-d – as clearly seen in the 10 commandments. So why is He allowing the pain
to happen? Think about a doctor who treats cancer versus a doctor who went
through cancer himself and then treats it – what potential difference can there
be in the two? Honestly ask yourself: if you hadn’t gone through the pain you
went through as a child, would you have had the same level of sensitivity
towards children that you have now? Could this be a part of your mission? You
feel a child’s vulnerability – because you know what it’s like to be that
innocent, trusting soul who was deeply wounded. Children will be privileged to
have you as a teacher and will reap the rewards of your tragic experience. But
it’s not only the children who benefit. Your pain has given you the opportunity
to enter a different realm of reality. You have learned how precious the soul
of a child is – and in doing so, have acquired a level of G-dly wisdom that
many others don’t have. Sadly, not everyone takes their pain and makes positive
choices like you made, elevating their role as G-d’s partner. But whether this
happens is always a choice. Continue choosing to be a positive force in life
and remember – G-d is always with you! B’hatzlacha!
All the very best, Rachel
Trilokekar
Thank you to those who have
e-mailed me with their questions. If you would like your question to be
featured in the next issue of Ladies’ World, please e-mail:
RachelTrilokekar@gmail.com
