Dear
Rachel,
I have a granddaughter in her 30s who I am very close with. It hurts me to see
her still single, after being divorced for 5 years. She keeps getting involved
with the same type of men–domineering, arrogant and pushy. This is how her
ex-husband was like and now she knows enough to end the relationship when the
men get out of hand but I would like for her to avoid dating these kinds of men
to begin with! It would save her so much time and heartache. She agrees but
doesn’t know why she keeps attracting the same men. She thinks there’s
something wrong with her. How can I advise her?
Dear Worried Grandmother,
Your granddaughter is blessed to have a close relationship with you. Just having that support I am sure helps her a great deal. What you are describing unfortunately happens often in life. Many people find themselves trapped in repetitive, challenging relationships until they learn the necessary lessons and develop the required skills to overcome them.
In Judaism, we are taught that God provides everyone with opportunities to
refine our character traits and overcome weaknesses. Embracing
self-development, growth, and learning from these experiences is part of our
life journey. Your granddaughter might be attracting the same type of men due
to unresolved aspects of her character and possibly an underlying subconscious
pattern that draws her towards these individuals.
Encourage her to engage in
introspection and self-reflection, examining the patterns she's noticed in her
relationships. Prioritizing her inner growth and focusing on breaking the
unhealthy relationship dynamics will be crucial steps in her journey. This
process may involve identifying any limiting beliefs, fears, or past traumas
that could be contributing to her choices in partners.
A good book to suggest to initiate her self-development journey is Angels Don't
Leave Footprints, by Rabbi Abraham J. Twerski, MD. This book offers valuable
insights and tools on developing a healthy and positive self-perception.
In addition, seeking the guidance of a competent therapist or life coach
specializing in self-development and dating would be highly beneficial for her.
A professional can help her recognize and change hard-wired behaviors, thought
patterns, and emotional triggers, allowing her to develop a better
understanding of herself.
Temporarily pausing dating is best until she gains clarity and confidence in
her ability to discern the right partner. This will provide her with the
necessary space and time to focus on personal growth and avoid further
heartache. Help your granddaughter to understand that there is nothing
inherently wrong with her. Rather, she is being given an opportunity to evolve
into a stronger, healthier version of herself which will ultimately benefit
her, as well as her future marriage. Remind her that she has a unique
purpose in this world that she is capable of fulfilling. Together, you can help
her turn this challenge into a powerful catalyst for growth and transformation.
B’Hatzlacha!
All the very best, Rachel Trilokekar
Thank you to those who have e-mailed me with their questions. If you would like your question to be featured in the next issue of Ladies’ World, please e-mail: RachelTrilokekar@gmail.com
