Dear Rachel,
My son is going to be moving
away to university over the summer. On the one hand, I am happy for him, but on
the other hand I am dreading the day that he has to leave. I gave a lot to my
son over the years and now I am not even sure what I will do with the extra
time! I will miss him terribly and already feel the sadness coming on just
thinking about it. How can I better prepare myself for this time that I am not
looking forward to?
Sincerely, Sad Mom
Dear Sad Mom,
I can feel the sad place in
your heart. It is hard when a child grows up and transitions to live away from
the home. The very essence of what makes that child special, his unique soul,
is not going to be around on a day to day basis. For a mother who brought this
child into being and then raised him through all the ups and downs of childhood
it’s understandably a difficult transition. It’s important to remember that you
are not alone. Countless mothers have felt exactly what you described, and many
more will in the future. Now you can utilize your feelings of sadness to direct
it towards relating to someone else’s pain that you have never been able to
relate to before because you never experienced it. This is an important way to
get through difficult times in life – knowing you share the pain of others
having gone through what you have. This brings a deep connection to people and
life experiences. In the Torah, our matriarch Rivkah must have felt that loss
too when she sent her son Yaakov away from home (for fear that his twin brother
Esav was going to kill him). Except in her case, she never ended up seeing him
again! I am sure however, that she was happy she helped him actualize his
future potential by the way she raised him, and by knowing when it was time to
let him go in order that he fulfill his own mission in life. Another way to
prepare is to reframe this upcoming milestone. Recognize that now you will be
entering a new chapter in your life, a different one than before. Perhaps there
is now time to reinvent yourself a bit? Is there a part of your life that you
have been neglecting? Perhaps you can become more involved in community
matters? Pick something that will strengthen and uplift you. This is especially
a good time to strengthen yourself spiritually by deepening your connection to,
and faith in G-d by listening to excellent Torah related classes online,
reading books, or even having a weekly Torah study partner. Give yourself time
and know that G-d is with you... B’hatzlacha!
All the very best, Rachel
Trilokekar
Thank you to those who have
e-mailed me with their questions. If you would like your question to be
featured in the next issue of Ladies’ World, please e-mail:
RachelTrilokekar@gmail.com
