“There is no reality except the one I perceive
through the lens of my understanding,” teaches ancient Jewish wisdom. In other
words, I don't see the world as it is – I see what I already
know, recognize, and am capable of perceiving. The world, in and of itself, is
neutral. It is we who give it color, meaning, and tone. What I see is my world – filtered through my own
eyes – and like a mirror, it reflects what lives within me.
In truth, each of us lives in a different world
and peers into a different mirror. Like magnets, we attract people, events, and
circumstances that align with our inner state. We draw to ourselves everything
that vibrates on the same frequency as we do.
What am I getting at? I'm trying to convey a
deeply important and foundational idea: if something in my world isn't
working, I need to understand what part of my inner state the mirror reflects.
Instead of blaming external circumstances, we must learn to ask ourselves:
What am I radiating that has drawn this into my life?
Let’s look at a few situations and examine what
their mirrors might be telling us:
Situation: You
feel angry at someone who behaves selfishly, demands attention, and constantly puts
themselves in the spotlight.
The Mirror:
Perhaps you don’t allow yourself to be the center of attention. You were taught
to “be modest,” but inside you have a part that longs to be expressed – and it feels irritated
when it sees someone else doing what you’ve denied yourself.
Situation: You
feel your partner has grown distant or emotionally cold.
The Mirror:
Perhaps you’ve shut down emotionally, stopped sharing your inner world. Or
maybe you're expecting warmth from someone else that you don't offer to
yourself – warmth, acceptance, and care.
Situation:
You’re frustrated that your efforts at work go unrecognized.
The Mirror:
Maybe you don’t truly value your own accomplishments. Inside you, there’s a
critic saying, “It’s not enough; you have to do more.” The world is simply
amplifying your internal underappreciation.
Situation: You
often encounter aggression or misunderstanding.
The Mirror: You
may carry a lot of suppressed anger, which draws in people or situations that
resonate with that energy. Even if you seem peaceful on the outside, others can
sense the inner tension.
Situation:
People exclude you from conversations or social gatherings.
The Mirror: You
might be rejecting parts of yourself – your vulnerability,
sensitivity, or imperfection. The world reflects how you sideline those very
parts within yourself.
Situation: Your
boss or loved one constantly criticizes or points out your mistakes.
The Mirror: This
could be your inner perfectionist speaking through them – the voice that doesn’t
allow you to simply be “good enough.” Others are mirroring your internal
pressure.
Situation: You
keep finding yourself in relationships with people who devalue or use you.
The Mirror:
This is no coincidence. It reflects a deep belief: “I must earn love.” Until
this belief is realized, the world will keep reflecting it back to you.
In the teachings of mussar (Jewish ethical
development), especially as emphasized by Rabbi Israel Salanter, great
importance is placed on introspection: What triggers strong emotions in us is a
sign of unfinished inner work. If someone irritates you, it’s a clue that there
is something unresolved within. Don’t blame – examine yourself. This
is the path of spiritual growth.
But there are other mirrors too. For example,
you admire someone who speaks confidently, dresses with flair, and isn’t afraid
to be themselves. You may think you like them because you are not like that,
but wish you were. Yet remember the rule: we can only perceive what already
exists within us in others. So what you see is a reflection of your own hidden
qualities. You already possess that potential – you haven’t yet given
yourself permission to live it. Or perhaps, in a difficult moment, unexpected
help arrives – from a stranger, a friend, a colleague. This, too, is a reflection
of your own kindness and readiness to support others. You radiate the energy of
care, and it returns to you.
Life moves swiftly forward, and learning to look
at it as a mirror is not always easy, but it is a deeply rewarding and
fascinating journey. I invite you to join it.
