I want to spend five minutes discussing something that’s already
been talked about endlessly: why can’t I make myself go for a walk or do some
exercises – let alone stick to a diet? We all know about motivation and
demotivation; we fully understand the health benefits. And yet, it still
doesn’t work. I can’t bring myself to make a fresh salad, nor can I muster the
energy to step outside and take a walk in the park.
Yes, depression is becoming more widespread, and it needs to be
addressed seriously. But what if there’s no depression, yet going for a walk
still feels impossible? Is it laziness?
Let’s consider a real-life scenario that many will likely
recognize:
“It’s cold outside… I can’t wake up early… I don’t have the
right clothes… It’s not tasty… I can’t switch my mindset…”
And so on, with a list of seemingly valid reasons.
But as we dig deeper, other factors come to light:
“There’s no time; I have so much to do: take the kids to school,
handle household chores, complete my work, help my parents, and support others
who rely on me. I have so many projects! If I don’t complete my daily plan,
I’ll feel stressed. On the other hand, I can’t seem to take care of myself. The
result? Extreme exhaustion, stiffness, sleep deprivation, mental strain, and – worst
of all – an endless sense of guilt for not exercising or eating right.”
So, I ask:
What would happen if, amid all this busyness, someone asked you
for help?
“I’d immediately go to help!”
Do you see what’s happening? This is how people behave when they
value themselves far less than everyone and everything else. Could a lazy
person accomplish so much in a day? Even if such a person’s schedule were
cleared of some obligations, they wouldn’t head to the park or the market for
salad greens – they’d simply find other projects to take on.
The question isn’t just about how to motivate yourself or become
more disciplined. The deeper issue is: why do you value yourself so little, and
what is the root of this?
You can’t make yourself go to the park because the “roots” of
the issue lie in the distant past. Were you criticized as a child, at home, or
at school? Many of us remember the Soviet education and upbringing system.
Those parent-teacher meetings with public scoldings were the juice of the
system. Parents would scold you too – but everyone’s parents did, right?
The difference is that some children are naturally more
sensitive and perceptive. And we were taught to prioritize things in reverse:
homework first, everything else second. Better yet, we were pushed to set
ever-higher standards (“achieve a five-year plan in three years!”) and be
extremely demanding of ourselves. Public interests always came before personal
ones. Isn’t this the same as saying, “Help others first, and only then
yourself?”
Thus, perfectionism slowly but surely takes root. On the one
hand, being demanding of yourself, completing tasks properly, and striving for
excellence sounds positive. But, as with everything, there’s a downside.
The flip side of perfectionism is the fear of failure. It’s
harmful when we say to ourselves, “I must,” but we’re driven by fear: “What if
I fail and look bad in front of others?” Your negative inner voice (yetzer
hara) will subconsciously set a bar so high that you’ll inevitably fall
short. This reinforces your fear and ultimately feeds your guilt. That’s how
perfectionism works.
You’ll chase your daily projects relentlessly, ignoring your own
needs. And then your yetzer hara will crush you with guilt for skipping
your workout and not eating that salad.
It’s essential to recognize that you are also a project –
one of the most important ones. Understand the root of your low self-esteem,
accept yourself, and prioritize your needs.
Allow yourself to go to bed earlier, wake up refreshed, take a
morning walk, eat a healthy breakfast, and don’t forget to thank the Creator
for everything you have.
Try it – you’ll see your mood improve, and your projects will
get done with even better results.
