Dear Rachel,
I’m in a whirlwind of emotions. I am married with 3 children and
work too. Ever since the situation in Israel hit, my heart has been broken. I
have close family in Israel. Regardless, just seeing and hearing all the
horrific stories often immobilizes me. I go from feeling happy in brief moments
to feeling so depressed at other times. My kids need me. My job and marriage
need me. But how can I just move on when our people are suffering? How can I
enjoy what I have and yet feel pain? Is it even possible to do both?
Sincerely, Alla
Dear Alla,
Your letter deeply resonated with me, and it's important for you
to know that you're not alone in wrestling with these complex emotions. The
daily onslaught of horrendous news – hostages, including vulnerable children
and the elderly; reports of rape and brutal murders – has left many of us
questioning how to continue with our everyday lives. Add to that the Israelis
called to risk their lives in the war and the numerous families in mourning,
and it becomes evident that we are in a period of profound difficulty for Am
Yisrael.
And yet, despite all this suffering, life continues around us
under God’s guidance. Babies are being born and milestones are being
celebrated. The current season unfolds, revealing the stunning beauty and
embrace of autumn. Experiencing both joy and sorrow simultaneously may feel
contradictory, but this duality is a constant theme in the reality of human
existence.
Why doesn't God press a pause button, granting us time to fully
grieve, to process our trauma and anguish? Maybe the answer lies in the very
essence of life itself. Life's purpose is not to stand still but to move
forward. Moving forward doesn’t mean ignoring or dismissing. Rather, it means
growing, transcending and overcoming. Moving forward allows us to uncover the
wisdom and truth in life that, through both pain and joy, ultimately bring us
closer to God.
So, to answer your question – how can one sway between the two
contrasting states of moving forward with life yet experiencing pain – the key
is to be present in each moment, without attempting to judge or control your
feelings. You will likely find it helpful to allocate personal time each day to
intimately connect to God through your pain; crying if you need to, praying to
Him wholeheartedly, perhaps saying words of tehillim. Allow the current events
to matter enough to transform you; to increase your reliance on God and in
doing so, strengthen your connection to Him. This is how we can become
resilient.
When we're not directly affected by the calamities, we have a
responsibility to channel our emotional energy in productive and meaningful
ways to aid those who are directly suffering. Some families are in mourning or
have loved ones who are missing, others have family members called to war, and
some women are alone, caring for their children while darting in and out of
bomb shelters. These individuals may not have the luxury to spare time for
prayers, but we can do this for them. We can also strengthen our children's
drive for contribution by involving them in purposeful activities, such as
creating cards for soldiers, holding bake sales to support Israel, or
participating in Torah study and Tehillim readings for the benefit of those in
need. Children's involvement during such times is crucial. This is also how our
own connection can be deepened with them.
When we integrate these meaningful activities into our lives,
we're not just channeling our pain but living with passion and purpose – while
teaching our children to do the same. This enables us to rise above our sorrow
and find intrinsic goodness within it. The power of love often reveals itself
through pain, illuminating the preciousness of life and transcending our
self-imposed limitations.
In your interactions with your loved ones, allow joy to manifest
naturally. Use the awareness of the larger suffering to deepen your
appreciation for the relationships you have. Each new day is an opportunity to make
a profound and eternal impact on the world through our thoughts, actions and
speech. The challenge lies in having
complete trust in God and not allowing fear to overtake what we are capable of
accomplishing. God is with us, has always been with us, and will see us
through.
B’Hatzlacha!
All the very best, Rachel Trilokekar
Thank you to those who have e-mailed me with their questions. If you would like your question to be featured in the next issue of Ladies’ World, please e-mail: RachelTrilokekar@gmail.com
