Dear
Rachel,
In
just 12 days, I'll be getting married. I'm happily anticipating the wedding,
but my nerves are really building up too. It's said that this is normal and
will fade after the wedding. But I find myself stressing about numerous
concerns about the initial year of our marriage. What if I discover traits I
dislike in my future husband? My two best friends have had a blissful first
year of marriage, but what if ours isn't as rosy? What if we disagree more than
we agree? He's been nothing but kind to me, but could that change over time?
My
biggest fear is disappointing my fiancé, who I truly admire. The thought of
potentially causing him to regret marrying me is deeply unsettling. Could you
offer any advice to help ease these worries?
Sincerely, Sarah
Dear
Sarah,
My
heartfelt mazal tov on your upcoming wedding! You are stepping into a joyous
new phase. Know that your concerns about the first year of marriage are also
completely normal. Transitions in life often stir up a mix of emotions, and
this significant change is no exception. I can sense your prevailing fear of
the unknown and a concern about possibly disappointing your future husband.
Here are eight tips to help you navigate these anxieties and embrace this
exciting new chapter:
1.
Accept your fear: It might seem counterintuitive, but accepting your fear is
the first step towards dealing with it. Fear can often act as a mirror,
reflecting what we truly value, what we aim to avoid, and what holds
significant importance in our lives. By facing your fears, asking what they
represent, and identifying which aspects are grounded in reality versus which
are merely unfounded concerns, you'll gain a deeper understanding of yourself
and learn how to respond to these fears.
2.
Anticipate life's Ups and Downs: Marriage, like life itself, is a blend of
various experiences – the good, the challenging, and everything in between.
It's essential to anticipate these fluctuations and recognize that just as
overcoming life's challenges can make you stronger, the same holds true for
your marriage.
3.
Cultivate a strong support system: This could involve seeking the guidance of a
marriage coach, a trusted and wise mentor you look up to, or a seasoned
therapist, especially during moments of marital strife. It's crucial to choose
someone impartial and wise, instead of resorting to a close family member who
might be biased or a friend who might lack the necessary perspective. Consider
your marriage as you would a significant financial investment, which you'd
naturally want to protect and nurture. Would you trust just anyone with your
most valuable assets?
4.
Understand Your Role: Oftentimes, people enter into marriage focusing primarily
on what they stand to gain. However, the truth is that marriage is a shared
journey of learning, personal growth and giving. It provides countless
opportunities to evolve into better versions of ourselves. When faced with
challenges, instead of dwelling on the negatives, use them as stepping stones
for self-development.
5.
Receive Gracefully: A mentally healthy and good natured husband will naturally
wish to make his wife happy. Whenever your spouse offers you something, learn
to accept it graciously. Be it a compliment or a kind gesture, accept it with a
bright smile and a heartfelt «thank you».
6.
Practice Patience: As you anticipate the changes marriage will bring, remember
that your husband-to-be is in the same boat. The role of a husband will be as
new to him as that of a wife will be to you. He'll need time to learn about
you, to understand himself better in this new role, and to make necessary
adjustments.
7.
Embrace imperfections: Understand that neither you nor your husband is perfect.
God has brought you together to learn from each other and to grow together.
Instead of worrying about disappointing him, remember that your flaws and his
provide the opportunity to complement one another and to practice loving
acceptance.
8.
Avoid over-familiarity: Being overly familiar can erode the respect necessary
in a healthy marriage. Instead of saying whatever comes to your mind, ask
yourself if what you want to say is kind or respectful. Carry yourself with
dignity and treat your marriage with the respect and sensitivity it deserves.
Above
all, cherish every moment. Marriage is both an opportunity and an adventure!
Wishing you much Hatzlacha!
All the very best, Rachel Trilokekar
Thank you to those who have e-mailed me with their questions. If you would like your question to be featured in the next issue of Ladies’ World, please e-mail: RachelTrilokekar@gmail.com
