Dear Rachel,
I read your column last
month about the woman whose niece wants to marry a non Jew and wants to know
what to do so that her kids don’t end up doing the same. I want to respond that
I myself have 2 teenage kids and I don’t worry about who they will marry
because I know nowadays we cannot control who our kids end up with. Also, I
don’t know how stopping the tradition of putting up a yolka every year for New
Year’s is going to stop her kids from assimilating. Besides, it’s just a fun
tradition with the family. And if there’s no guarantee our kids will end up
marrying Jews, then why not just enjoy the moment?
Sincerely, No Worries
Dear No Worries,
You are correct 100% on two
points: 1) you cannot control who your child will end up marrying and 2) there
are no guarantees that what you do as a parent will directly give the outcome
you want. Having said this, should we as parents give up the unique influence
that we do have on our child just because we don’t know what choices he will
make in the future? Wouldn’t it make more sense that because the future is
unknown to us, that we should do everything within our power to help our
children to make wise choices as they grow up? Additionally, we cannot make
parental choices based on whether there will be guaranteed outcomes. In life,
the way we can make wise choices is when we think not of our guarantees, but of
our chances... For example...» If I model a good attitude in my daily life will
I have a greater or lesser chance of raising a child who will have a good
attitude too?» Even when a child has a different kind of nature, a parent can
still be a powerful influence.
In regards to the yolka
tradition that many Jewish Russian immigrants still have of putting up a
decorated tree for New Year’s eve, it may be a «fun» tradition like you
mentioned, but does that make it a good choice? G-d gave us a thinking mind, a
big heart, and a feeling soul to use when we make choices in life. Therefore,
everything we choose to do, even fun, should have good meaning behind it.
Currently as Jews, we are celebrating Chanukkah – a holiday that would not
exist if it were not for the small group of Jews, the family of the Maccabees,
who insisted on remaining Jewish by keeping the Torah laws. Because of this,
they bravely chose to fight the massive Greek army in what seemed to be a
hopeless war when the Greeks insisted we do away with Torah observance. At the
time MOST of the Jews had assimilated into the Greek culture, and it was only
this small minority of Jews that were willing to fight to stay Jewish.
Chanukkah celebrates their miraculous victory over the Greeks. Today, we face
the same spiritual struggle of assimilation with our children. Yet, instead of
strengthening them with our Torah values, we are helping them to assimilate by
the choices we make that show them that to be a Jew is not important. Many
years ago in the former Soviet Union, Stalin succeeded in ripping the fabric of
our Jewish existence, affecting the future generations. Instead of allowing us
the freedom to enjoy Jewish holidays which strengthens our relationship with
G-d, Stalin cleverly replaced this with a New Year’s celebration with the Yolka
instead – for fun, and nothing else. So that there is no religious expression
whatsoever, a life devoid of Jewish identity. This was precisely what the
Greeks tried to do to us. They wanted us to enjoy physical pleasures and «fun»,
but to take the core of what is sacred and Godly out of our being. So on
Chanukkah, we as Jews have the responsibility to ask ourselves: do we want to
live like the Maccabees who refused to forget who they were or to live like the
hellenized Jews who joined the Greeks? And perhaps this is what the mother in
the previous column was realizing she was willing to fight against by refusing
to have a yolka in her home. I applaud her courage. May we continue as Jews to
carry the torch of light to guide our children. B’hatzlacha!
All the very best, Rachel
Trilokekar
Thank you to those who have
e-mailed me with their questions. If you would like your question to be
featured in the next issue of Ladies’ World, please e-mail: RachelTrilokekar@gmail.com
