Dear Rachel,
In the middle of all this
COVID craziness I’ve been finding it so hard to cope. I worked a part time job
before this but now I need to stay home with my young children full time as I
have an immuno-suppressed spouse who needs to be extra careful with exposure. I
no longer have a cleaning lady so I have to find ways to maintain the order and
cleanliness of the house which I have a hard time keeping up with in addition
to cooking meals and having shopping done. I feel I am constantly behind in
getting things done. How can I feel accomplished during such a horribly
challenging time?!
Sincerely, Overwhelmed
Mother
Dear Overwhelmed Mother,
Your question echoes the
feelings of countless women in your position all around the world, so you are
not alone! First off, I noticed you used the word «accomplished» in the last
line you wrote and this may be part of the reason for your feelings of
frustration and being overwhelmed. It is true that much of our society is
«achievement-driven», focused on accomplishments rather than «purpose-driven».
But ultimately, this means that our focus is in the wrong place, which explains
why many achievement driven individuals sometimes are the most unhappy! In
life, we must make the time to stop and ask ourselves: «What is my purpose in
life right now»? When our focus becomes our purpose rather than checking off a
To-Do list, then we start to accomplish the right things at every moment. It is
very clear that life has changed for most families during this COVID pandemic.
There seems to be a new reality. The correct attitude to have is not to try to
get as much of your previous life accomplished as possible, but rather to
realize that you likely have a different purpose now that was brought your way.
You didn’t ask for it. But this is what G-d has given you so it’s important to
reframe your purpose since it has changed. The way you identify your purpose is
by asking yourself «what is it that I must do in life that no one else can do
for me»? You might decide, «My purpose is to take care of my children, husband
and have a clean home». But if you give it more thought you can find a deeper
way to express this purpose such as, «My purpose is to provide loving care in a
nurturing and healthy environment to the family members in our home in order to
create harmony, meaning and joy in our life together.» Do you see the
difference? Once you understand your purpose, you will be able to prioritize
different areas of your life where you are needed. Every night give yourself 20
minutes to work on creating a plan to help yourself manage your various jobs
that fulfill your purpose. Look into creative and easy ways to help keep a home
clean and organized so you don’t have to put more time into this than you need
to. There are many books, blogs and articles, even classes on this topic alone.
Start simple and basic, adding to your life the suggestions that work for you
and build your home management system as you go. Create blocks of time when you
keep your children occupied with pre-planned activities and other times when
you are spending one-on-one time with them. Since your purpose now is taking
care of your children instead of working at a job, then you are accomplishing
this when you give them your time and attention. Lastly – and most important –
one of the reasons why you are asking yourself what your purpose is in life and
responding to that, is because it is a part of your own self care. Taking care
of yourself means prioritizing your time and knowing what you are needed for.
The other part of self care is caring for your other personal needs, like
getting adequate sleep, creating health goals for yourself, and doing something
every day that you enjoy, even if it’s just having a cup of tea and reading
something nurturing for your soul for 15 minutes. Life is not ideal or perfect
right now (according to our definition of ideal). But, as King Shlomo (Soloman)
once said, «this too shall pass»...and the best you can do is to realize that
you have the Inner strength, skills, and talents to not only survive through
this – but to live this time in such a way that like an artist you bring out
your best self – all your beautiful, vibrant colors to create a new reality
that is meaningful for everyone. B’Hatzlacha!
All the very best, Rachel
Trilokekar
Thank you to those who have
e-mailed me with their questions. If you would like your question to be
featured in the next issue of Ladies’ World, please e-mail:
RachelTrilokekar@gmail.com
