After the last
article – “The Wedding Circus: When Did Saying ‘Mazal Tov’ Get So
Expensive?” – the feedback came pouring in. Some agreed wholeheartedly.
Others said, “Well, it’s easier said than done.” A few wanted to add footnotes
about social media pressure, the bride’s big moment, and the fact that yes,
some people just live for the spotlight. This isn’t just another article about
wedding extravagance. With this series, my hope is to help us gently shift the
culture – from pouring everything into the event, to putting more heart, time,
and thought into the marriage that follows.
If families can afford a lavish celebration, that’s
beautiful – it’s the icing on the cake. But let’s not forget the cake itself: a
strong, lasting relationship built on values, preparation, and support.
Think about it – before the wedding, the guy is rehearsing
speeches, coordinating photographers, booking flower-filled venues, renting
theaters, chartering helicopters, even flying to islands – all for the perfect
proposal. And honestly, it’s beautiful. But the question is – where does all
that creativity, effort, and care go after the wedding? The girl is
receiving more gifts during engagement than her grandma got in her whole
lifetime. Parents are hosting engagement parties, Shabbat dinners, and Sheva
Brachot that feel just as elaborate as the wedding itself – pouring in their
time, effort, and a small fortune just to cover all the bases and make sure no
one has anything to complain about.
But then the wedding ends. The music fades, the cake is
gone, and the Cinderella moment is over – now real life begins. That’s when
real marriage begins.
And that’s when our kids need us the most – for
support, guidance, and yes, sometimes a financial rescue mission. We obsess
over the wedding like it’s the final destination… when it’s really just the
beginning.
The biggest investment we can make isn’t in flowers or
catering. It’s in how we raise our children – with morals, grounded in the
values of the Ten Commandments. Not just grades and success, but character. In
a world that often praises appearance over substance, we need to teach our kids
to be great people – to value kindness, tolerance, forgiveness, and yes,
the strength to leave ego behind.
Because here’s the truth: marriage isn’t easy. Life brings
challenges – sometimes one after another. And in marriage, there is no room for
ego. It has to be left at the door. There’s no space for silent treatments,
power struggles, or the need to win every argument. What is needed is teamwork,
humility, and the wisdom to choose peace over pride.
This is not just an article. This is a conversation we need
to raise – with our communities, our leaders, and our rabbis – until we find
real solutions. Until we shift our mindset from focusing on the wedding day to
building marriages that can truly last a lifetime. It’s time we shift the focus
– from diamond rings to the daily work of building something real.
Truly yours, Zoya Aminov
