Dear Rachel,
I've been a traditional Jew my whole life. My best friend has been recently becoming more religious. She took me to a talk a Rabbi gave about the holiday of Yom kippur. I usually fast on this day and ask my family for forgiveness. But after this class, I feel like I want to prepare better for Yom Kippur and do something special. I want to take on something positive from now on that I'm not doing but should be doing, kind of like a New Year's resolution. I'm not sure what to pick because there are different things I'm thinking of. Also, I want to be able to stick with it in the long term. It's such a holy holiday that I wouldn't want to say I'm going to do something and then not do it. Do you have any advice?
Thank you! Sarah
Dear Sarah,
How amazing that you want to take upon a positive action that will surely make a difference! It is a commendable practice to make positive changes in your life, especially on Yom Kippur. Here is what I would suggest: Take «should be doing» out of your vocabulary when thinking of what you want to change. Often, when people want to change and focus on what they *should* or *shouldn't* be doing as the main motivator, they end up unsuccessful. Why? Because «should» has a burdensome, critical tone to it and no one likes to feel burdened and criticized. Instead, more often than not, those who succeed in change are the ones that focus on connecting their chosen goal to their mission/purpose in life. In this way, they are expanding themselves and improving what they already have – a much more uplifting experience.
Before thinking about your purpose and the goal/change you want to attach to it, place yourself in the proper mindset. Sit down and give yourself unhurried time to make a long list of the many blessings that G-d has brought your way and continues to offer you (big or small; even the air you breathe!). Take your time. If you think you have nothing or very little, you are not thinking hard enough. After completing the list, you will see that you have been blessed with abundance even while you experienced hardships and obstacles, and even through all the times that perhaps you were not always the best version of yourself. This is where your gratitude can be cultivated, which you will see is important for the next step of making your resolution. G-d believes in you and your unique purpose – which is, generally speaking, to effectively respond to what G-d brings your way, while revealing the truth of good in every situation. And what will come your way will be unique to you and you alone.
Now that you know you have a life purpose to live for and are blessed in many ways that will help you succeed, you can ask yourself the following:
«What is one change/goal that I can make that #1. will be a vehicle in helping me to achieve my purpose #2. is a doable and realistic goal for me and #3. that inspires a love of my Creator»? When you choose to do something out of love towards G-d, it is a way that you are showing your gratitude to G-d for all that He gives to you every day. THIS is how we become closer to G-d, and in doing so make changes that last.
An example of a change you can choose to make can be anything from learning to observe Shabbat properly, to practicing speaking to others with more kindness (both are an important part of actualizing the mission of a Jew). There are countless examples of what you can choose to do differently. But only you know what is realistic for you to take on. I wish you much success!! G’mar Chatima Tova!
All the very best, Rachel Trilokekar
Thank you to those who have e-mailed me with their questions. If you would like your question to be featured in the next issue of Ladies’ World, please e-mail: RachelTrilokekar@gmail.com
