I had a conversation with a lady who asked me the following question, «how do I become a better version of myself? How do I not pay attention to things that people say or do that may appear to me to be very hurtful?» I thought about this question for a while before I could share my thoughts with her. I realized, don’t we all have this battle many times within ourselves? Don’t we all have days in which we feel that sometimes we wish we can suppress those negative thoughts in our own minds? Those thoughts that cripple in and keep spewing negativity; thoughts which wear us down? It would be great to look at life through a positive lens. To learn how to look at situations that happen to us with the approach of «the glass is half full» rather than «the glass is empty». Although it appears to be challenging at times not to take offense, it is not impossible. Our brain is one of the most powerful organs in our body. The brain is easily influenced by the thoughts that we put in to it. Even though it appears that our mind is in control of our thoughts and actions, in reality we put thoughts into our mind. We have the power in taking control of what thoughts we create as well as the emotions that enter our thought process. Negative thoughts take away our peace and joy. They interfere with our interpersonal relationships, whether it be with our spouse, our friends, our work colleagues, our children and so on. Thoughts that enter our mind in which bring about the negative side of others will eventually cause resentment, taking away the joy of those relationships. Our thoughts about others are often a mirrored reflection of the thoughts we have deep inside about ourselves. When we feel positive and upbeat, and we don’t lack self esteem, we in return many times will not allow other peoples behaviors to affect us negatively. When we feel down and negative, so to will be the way we interpret the intentions of others. One way of being more positive is the following. Understanding that all the events of our lives, everything that we go through is tailored and orchestrated by Gd, who is our loving father. Gd truly knows what is good for us and what is for our benefit. He is involved in every detail of our life. People are simply messengers from the one above. When we work on understanding and believing this concept which is also called emuna, we will eliminate the negative thoughts and feelings we develop towards others. We will not take offense because we will know that Without the will of Gd, people would not have any ability to utter one word or action. Another important concept is to work on the concept of giving people the benefit of the doubt. A lot of times we have no idea what someone is really going through. What challenges they are dealing with. What upbringings they have. We make the mistake of thinking that everyone operates and thinks like we do. That is not the truth. Everyone is different. People operate differently, people think differently. When we open our mind to the concept of acceptance and remove judgment, we clear our mind from those negative thoughts. Changing our thought process is not a task that happens overnight. The key is persistence. The more we replace negative thoughts with positive ones, the more life will be full of joy and optimism.
Yocheved Dekhanov,
PA Physician Assistant,
Public Speaker
