Dear Rachel,
After hearing what happened in Texas to the 19 innocent children who were killed at school, I am very fearful of sending my kids to school. In fact, I had them stay home the rest of the week and I am so glad now it is Memorial Day weekend and the kids are home. I know I need to get over this somehow but as a mother my instinct can’t let them go. How do I get back to «normal» when things are not normal? I want my children to live without fear, for them to be safe and sound. How can I give this to them when the current world is so terrifying?!
Sincerely, Scared
Dear Scared,
The Texas tragedy shook up the whole nation. Many parents are feeling the same way you are, wondering how to keep their children safe. The reality is that tragedies can happen anywhere at any time and not always preventable. Previous times in Jewish history, mothers had to grapple with that same question of safety in even worse scenarios. In many situations where fear is heightened and a decision needs to be made, one has to ask herself – «even in the midst of fear, what is my purpose right now? How can I live optimally?» In your situation, your purpose as a mother is clear. Now let’s apply this purpose to the current scenario that you are concerned about – the fear that something can happen to your kids when they go to school. Currently, your motherly instinct is to protect them. But protection has to be executed in the right way. Remember that your role as a mother is split into different tasks – there are the day-to-day practical tasks, like taking your kids to school, doing their laundry, etc. Then there are those tasks that are more involved that require wisdom and forethought; tasks that involve thinking of the bigger picture and not just of the here and now. For example, you and your husband want to buy a house. You find one that is beautiful and want to buy it. Some people will not think any further than this. But when you prioritize your children’s upbringing and have a goal in mind, there will be deeper questions to ask before making that choice to buy the house – such as, how can my child potentially benefit in the long term living here? Is this the community and neighborhood that would be safe and good for my children to be raised in? Is it family oriented? Are there other like minded families in the area with kids that my children can develop wholesome friendships with? This is the same type of deep thinking you can also apply to the question you asked. You have decided to keep your children home from school after the Texas shooting – but how will that choice impact their life today and tomorrow? What opportunities at school will they miss out on and how will that affect them over the long term? What message is your choice communicating to your children about how to respond to fear and how to live empowered? Remember that how you react to challenges, your children will mirror back to you. Your children must also know that in addition to tragedy, there is much good that is being accomplished by people all over the world. Your eyes must train their eyes to see the good. The Torah teaches us to live life with an empowered mindset; one that recognizes that we are all here for a limited time and with a specific purpose. The purpose is what we must focus on every day and this is how we can overcome the fear. Practically speaking, I would suggest having a conversation with the principal of your children’s school to see what measures they are taking to ensure the safety of the children. There should be a plan. Random people should not be able to just walk into a school building. Bring up your concerns to the principal. If the safety measures are relaxed, consider what other school options you have. Lastly, you must live with trust in what G-d brings your way. A part of developing that trust is praying every morning in detail for the protection and guidance of each of your children, along with any other individual prayers that they may need. We give ourselves physically to the tasks we do for our children every day – but one way our soul can give to them is through our prayers. And if we don’t pray for our children – who will? B’hatzlacha!
All the very best, Rachel Trilokekar
Thank you to those who have e-mailed me with their questions. If you would like your question to be featured in the next issue of Ladies’ World, please e-mail: RachelTrilokekar@gmail.com
